Feeding identity

In a moment I touch a spontaneous switch towards depression. Nothing has changed around me but I find my sense of who I am is under assault. Instinctively I move towards protecting myself. Then I have the distinct impression of God speaking to me:

You have for decades poured your energy into protecting your self-identity. Don't you know that you're feeding the grave--and the grave's appetite can never be satisfied.

I stop, stunned. And then I find present a power that lets me stop trying to protect my fragile self.

Intercessory suffering

Jesus' suffering was intercessory.

He felt the despair, the hopelessness, the pain, the betrayal, and the gloom of life without God. He didn't feel it at a dstance--it was real. Not at arm's length, not intellectually or abstractly.

• He despaired.
• He was hopeless.
• He was in pain.
• He was betrayed.

He who knew no sin became sin for us. "My God, my God; why have you forsaken me?"

Yet he did not yield to it. Yielding would have taken him from the cross. But he chose to go through it. He experienced despair and grace at the same time: the dark gift of power.

• His despair was intercessory.
• The grace kept him going.

As a result he gained his birthright: power, hope, joy. He interceeded through suffering in the most intimate way but he did not yield his birthight.